This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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