So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
