Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
