why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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