You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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