Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
