You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
