i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
