Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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