I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
