He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
