she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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