yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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