question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.