Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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