I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.