Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.