Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
