nut hugger
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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