I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
