we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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