this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
