Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
