in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Randomize
