I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
