part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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