I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
