Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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