Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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