Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
