Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
