Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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