Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
