Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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