I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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