i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
