Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
