I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Green mimosas i think yes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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