yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
