I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I cockslap morals
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
