omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
