he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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