maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
