Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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