I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
