why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize