i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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