Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
