The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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