So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
