cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
