so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
