just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
