Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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