3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
In the future we'll all be gay
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
