oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
