he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
