Nicole vs. Life
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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