you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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