I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
