I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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