She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
