a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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