Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
