Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
