Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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