i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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