The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
