I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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