People with herpes should wear stickers.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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