Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.