Is that why you're texting me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie