Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way