Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong