Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
