Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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