I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
