tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
