I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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